ange's musings

I recently met up with one of the first friends I made at university. I can’t remember exactly how we met. She was a medical student like me and her love for the Lord was strong and conspicuous and so our friendship grew, all those years ago. One of the most vivid memories I have of those early days of getting to know one another, was a trip the various bookstores in Bristol to make some decisions about which medical textbooks were worth investing in and which we could borrow from the library. It was comforting to meet someone who held a similar trepidation to me with regards to starting university and indeed, medicine– that unique and bizarre course that would have such significant consequences on our respective lives. Back then it was easy to answer the question: who am I becoming? Forty plus hours a week, give or take were spent attending lectures, being in the lab, examining cadavers, seeing patients with our allocated GP or studying in the library or at halls, all with one focus...

It's only 7 days since my last post but it feels like a lot more. Judging from the content of my post on 12th April it's not surprising I feel utterly burnt out and on the brink of exhaustion. Maybe this is a slight overstatement but it doesn't really feel like it. In the last 3 days I have driven about 350-400 miles which is more than I normally do in a full week commuting to Swindon 4 days a week. Additionally, 2 of those journeys were to London and I've managed to avoid driving into central London for 33 years so it was an additional challenge I didn't really need. Thankfully it wasn't too terrible and the return drive to Bristol yesterday was really easy. The M4 was practically empty. Work wise I am feeling rather stretched. My annual appraisal first meeting is tomorrow with my boss and as a result, I have been incredibly busy both clinically and with non-clinical projects, several of which I do not feel on top of. Finally, I have not had any annual leave...

    Today is my day off work. It’s just gone 4.31pm on a Tuesday and this is the first opportunity I’ve had all day to sit down and take a moment to just ‘be’. How is it, that even when I have had to justify to my training authority that I need my hours reduced to 80% full-time equivalent and incur the consequent pay reduction, I still find the task of setting aside time to rest and recuperate, watch and listen, be mindful of my surroundings, body, emotions and thoughts an interminable challenge? It seems that there is always something….even now, it’s time to stop writing this post and go catch a train to London.

It's 23.06 on a Sunday night and I ought to have been in bed for at least 36 minutes by now but instead I am spending a few moments to write this post. I'm doing this because I made a promise to myself that I would try to do it regularly. I think it really helps me process my thoughts, wind down from the busyness of life and declutter my brain a bit so it doesn't seem utterly foolish to do it before I go to sleep. Perhaps next time, I'll aim to be in bed earlier though. Anyway, since last Saturday I had planned for my next post to be entitled 'digital detox'. I think I had read somewhere how a woman who'd written a book on reclaiming your life, pursuing happiness and all that is popular in self-help literature at the moment had chosen to detox from digital devices at the weekend. By digital devices she was referring to smartphones and internet. I think she still used the internet if she needed to on her computer but she certainly didn't use her smartp...

Wow. After a seven year hiatus in blogging, I am writing my second post less than 12 hours after competing the previous one. Perhaps I know that all my good intentions to write frequently and keep a healthy record of my life are likely to be short-lived and thereby consistent with most endeavours I venture with. If I am completely honest with you, I am not the world's, best known starter-finisher. I tend to get excited about new projects and experiences but ask me to finish something and I might be a tad challenged. Recently I managed to complete a summer dress I started making in March 2016! I started it during a wonderful, six week sewing class that I stumbled across in Bristol. Unfortunately I was unwell for the last of the six lessons and missed possibly the most difficult lesson of all; learning how to sew in an invisible zip. That task plus the hems and attaching the sleeves were staring me in the face, every time I came across the unfinished dress during the last 12 mon...