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It's only 7 days since my last post but it feels like a lot more. Judging from the content of my post on 12th April it's not surprising I feel utterly burnt out and on the brink of exhaustion. Maybe this is a slight overstatement but it doesn't really feel like it.
In the last 3 days I have driven about 350-400 miles which is more than I normally do in a full week commuting to Swindon 4 days a week. Additionally, 2 of those journeys were to London and I've managed to avoid driving into central London for 33 years so it was an additional challenge I didn't really need. Thankfully it wasn't too terrible and the return drive to Bristol yesterday was really easy. The M4 was practically empty. Work wise I am feeling rather stretched. My annual appraisal first meeting is tomorrow with my boss and as a result, I have been incredibly busy both clinically and with non-clinical projects, several of which I do not feel on top of. Finally, I have not had any annual leave for some time and am counting down to a 5 day break which starts next Wednesday - I literally can NOT wait. I just hope it will be long enough to replenish my resources and reserves which feel like they are at an all time low.
The funny thing is that emotionally and mentally I think I've been doing okay. I've been taking on more work and more difficult challenges at work which has been a positive experience and I've had some great opportunities with non-clinical projects too. The shift into Spring has definitely lifted my spirits and I've been able to go cycling with friends, generally spend more time in the outdoors enjoying the sunshine and noticed that I just generally feel more positive in my outlook - more sunshine always does this to me. Two recent courses in London and a weekend with uni friends meant that I've been able to see friends and enjoy being with people who know me well. I've also been enjoying reading some non-fiction in moments of quiet which has been transporting and something I've not done for some time. So why is it that I still feel exhausted, at a deficit in energy, sleep, enthusiasm and general joie de vivre?
I have a few theories but I am not in the right frame of mind to write about the now. Maybe at the weekend I'll have some more positive reflections about it all. Having 'confessions of a junior doctor' on in the background isn't doing much to help either!
In the last 3 days I have driven about 350-400 miles which is more than I normally do in a full week commuting to Swindon 4 days a week. Additionally, 2 of those journeys were to London and I've managed to avoid driving into central London for 33 years so it was an additional challenge I didn't really need. Thankfully it wasn't too terrible and the return drive to Bristol yesterday was really easy. The M4 was practically empty. Work wise I am feeling rather stretched. My annual appraisal first meeting is tomorrow with my boss and as a result, I have been incredibly busy both clinically and with non-clinical projects, several of which I do not feel on top of. Finally, I have not had any annual leave for some time and am counting down to a 5 day break which starts next Wednesday - I literally can NOT wait. I just hope it will be long enough to replenish my resources and reserves which feel like they are at an all time low.
The funny thing is that emotionally and mentally I think I've been doing okay. I've been taking on more work and more difficult challenges at work which has been a positive experience and I've had some great opportunities with non-clinical projects too. The shift into Spring has definitely lifted my spirits and I've been able to go cycling with friends, generally spend more time in the outdoors enjoying the sunshine and noticed that I just generally feel more positive in my outlook - more sunshine always does this to me. Two recent courses in London and a weekend with uni friends meant that I've been able to see friends and enjoy being with people who know me well. I've also been enjoying reading some non-fiction in moments of quiet which has been transporting and something I've not done for some time. So why is it that I still feel exhausted, at a deficit in energy, sleep, enthusiasm and general joie de vivre?
I have a few theories but I am not in the right frame of mind to write about the now. Maybe at the weekend I'll have some more positive reflections about it all. Having 'confessions of a junior doctor' on in the background isn't doing much to help either!
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