ange's musings

So this is the title of Via, Project 3. What does it mean to be a disciple? I think you will agree, gaining an understanding of what that really means, will take all of our earthly lifetimes. When I think disciple, I immediately think in biblical, new testament context and of course of Jesus's disciples. But actually, as a friend pointed out to me, each and every one of us is a disciple meaning a learner, of something. Living out our lives, based on or inspired by something or someone, whether it be a faith in many gods, such as hinduism or no gods or God, i.e atheism, whether it be a celebrity or political view, we all lead our lives in reverence/respect to something. In a book I am currently reading, one of the characters who is asking this very same question, I think manages to answer it herself when she asks: "So they're going to be called together to learn the violin, and then they'll be sent out to play the master's kind of music in the master's way?...

I've started reading one of Brian Mclaren's books which I am really enjoying. Having just finished the chapter entitled 'the story of emergence' where Neo communicates his ideas that God created us as beings (I quote Neo saying "To me, the story is about Being (God, Creator) giving beings the good gift of being") that are totally in need of relationship. Its like in creating the first people, God didn't want to be the only reality in our lives, the only relationship in our network. This is what Neo says in the book... "This is the story we find ourselves in, isn't it? Caught between two dangers: a hyperspiritual danger that says, 'It is good enough for human beings to be alone, so all they need is God', and a hypersecular danger that says, 'It is good enough for human beings to be with the other created beings; forget about the Supreme being from whom all being and blessing flow.' Neither of these options is good enough. The on...

Apparently so. So the phrase 'the good being an enemy of the best' keeps popping up in conversation, books, devotionals and frankly I don't think I quite know what this actually means in practical reality. Its all very well telling that to someone, but how do you recognise when the 'good' thing is not the 'best' thing? Especially when you may never have tasted the best, how do you know that there's more than the good you are experiencing. I suppose in all of us, there would be that sense, that gut-level sensation telling us, there must be something more, but apart from that, I find the phrase rather unhelpful. So any insight, is welcomed right here! Something I am beginning to realise, in a rather painful way, is the fact that our security and identity, well actually my security and identity seems to very much be locked up in all kinds of things other than Jesus. I'm realising that I have probably over the years, sought my identity in achievement (no...

Just got back from what is now known as a "Clothes Swap" which a wonderful friend of mine organised for girls, mainly from my church. Even though I arrived pretty chipper, I gradually (as in the usual style of the last two weeks) felt more down as the evening went on, largely due to the fact that my self-esteem seems to have hit an all time low in the last two weeks and I am indeed struggling rather with social gatherings most if not all the time. Its really hard to reach out, and be real with non-viaettes, and not give into the temptation of therefore being kind of fake and superficial, and just talking small talk, bull dust as a friend recently phrased it! Being real, when frankly you don't know who you really are anymore, is pretty damn hard and most of the time I want there to be this black bubble around me that, tells people that not only am I a "Work in progress" but also that I am quite happy being left, to continue in progress, until I am ready to emerge...