ange's musings

It's 23.06 on a Sunday night and I ought to have been in bed for at least 36 minutes by now but instead I am spending a few moments to write this post. I'm doing this because I made a promise to myself that I would try to do it regularly. I think it really helps me process my thoughts, wind down from the busyness of life and declutter my brain a bit so it doesn't seem utterly foolish to do it before I go to sleep. Perhaps next time, I'll aim to be in bed earlier though. Anyway, since last Saturday I had planned for my next post to be entitled 'digital detox'. I think I had read somewhere how a woman who'd written a book on reclaiming your life, pursuing happiness and all that is popular in self-help literature at the moment had chosen to detox from digital devices at the weekend. By digital devices she was referring to smartphones and internet. I think she still used the internet if she needed to on her computer but she certainly didn't use her smartp...

Wow. After a seven year hiatus in blogging, I am writing my second post less than 12 hours after competing the previous one. Perhaps I know that all my good intentions to write frequently and keep a healthy record of my life are likely to be short-lived and thereby consistent with most endeavours I venture with. If I am completely honest with you, I am not the world's, best known starter-finisher. I tend to get excited about new projects and experiences but ask me to finish something and I might be a tad challenged. Recently I managed to complete a summer dress I started making in March 2016! I started it during a wonderful, six week sewing class that I stumbled across in Bristol. Unfortunately I was unwell for the last of the six lessons and missed possibly the most difficult lesson of all; learning how to sew in an invisible zip. That task plus the hems and attaching the sleeves were staring me in the face, every time I came across the unfinished dress during the last 12 mon...

Without wanting to make a song and a dance about it and after a very, very, long spell of absence, I am tentatively returning to the practice of blogging, not really sure of what I can expect from the experience. My reasons for doing so are mixed and my ambivalence is tangible which is why I am so thankful for the words of another blogger’s that I read this morning. After many years of receiving the London Institute of Contemporary Christianity’s (LICC) emails, my faithfulness in reading the content has dwindled considerably in recent times. It was therefore a rare moment for me to be skimming the most recent email which commented on last week’s tragic events in Westminster. Something led me to click on the author’s link and I found myself reading a few of her posts, resonating with her story and remembering how I had been in a similar life stage, over a decade ago when I started writing an online blog myself. An English literature undergraduate at Cambridge university and fellow...

Mission is revealing to others their fundamental beauty, value and importance in the universe, their capacity to love, to grow and to do beautiful things and to meet God. Mission is transmitting to people a new inner freedom and hope; it is unlocking the doors of their being so that new energies can flow; it is taking away from their shoulders the terrible yoke of fear and guilt. To give life to people is to reveal to them that they are loved just as they are by God, with the mixture of good and evil, light and darkness that is in them: that the stone in front of their tomb in which all the dirt of their lives has been hidden, can be rolled away. They are forgiven; they can live in freedom. Jean Vanier, Founder of L'Arche

Great Saints, Great Sinners Richard Rohr Sin and grace are related. In a certain sense the only way we really understand salvation, grace, and freedom, is by understanding their opposites. That's why the great saints are, invariably, converted sinners. When you finally have to eat and taste your own hard-heartedness, your own emptiness, selfishness and all the rest, then you open up to grace. That is the pattern in all our lives. That's why it was such a grace in my hermitage year when I was able, at last---even as a male and a German---to weep over my sins and to feel tremendous sadness at my own silliness and stupidity. I think all of us have to confront ourselves as poor people in that way. And that's why many of our greatest moments of grace follow upon, sometimes, our greatest sins. We are hard-hearted and closed-minded for years, then comes the moment of vulnerability and mercy. We break down and break through. Source:  Letting Go: A Spirituality of Subtraction

The Lowen Household; 80 Taylors Mistake Road - my bedroom is the top right one A walk along an adjacent street brings these views of Sumner and the bay into sight. Bound by 3 streets, Sumner is a pretty small seaside town (population 3978 in 2006 - seriously small eh?). Very busy at the weekends with the arrival of surfers and relatively quiet in the week.  Interesting local feature of Sumner that I enjoyed yesterday is the Sumner cinema, which was opened in 1938 and has 3 screens, each with more seats (337 in total) than the Orpheus cinema (a small, family run cinema I am fond of in Bristol). Last night I enjoyed the almost private viewing (there were only 2 other people there) of '500 days of Summer' with my friend Jacqui - what a treat! Pretty good if you can seat ten per cent of the population in its local cinema at any one time don't you think! This headland known as 'Godley Head' reaches beyond 'Taylors Mistake Beach' a quieter neighbouring beach and ...

Worship finds its greatest expression in a life that moves gracefully through struggle.

It is 06:53am and I am almost done with my fifth night shift of seven and feeling good. Its actually been a pleasure doing nights this week (astonishing I know) and in many ways I am kind of wishing it was not so long before my next run - day shifts seem so routine, and its easy to feel like you are on the treadmill of life, doing 9 t0 5 or 8 to 4 as I am. This week I feel like I have noticed God's grace in small and secret ways, been blessed with a peace as I have walked the empty corridors of the hospital from ward to ward and generally enjoyed myself. Of course my plain laziness and general love of bed means sleeping in the day hasn't been a big problem either. Oh and how I was anticipating these 7 nights with a very real lack of delight...what a different experience to a night shift in a UK hospital. Don't worry I will spare the compare and contrast.

S ince flying across the oceans I have been introduced to the musical talent of Brooke Fraser (thanks to my flatmate Mel). She is a kiwi who has made it successfully across the globe. What I love about her stuff is how true she remains to her faith in God. She supported John Meyer on his tour after his fi rst album 'heavier things' but you wouldn't know it because her songs take on a different theme, about a different kind of love than that that Meyer sings of. Here are the lyrics and video of her CS Lewis inspired song. If I find in myself desires nothing in this world can satisfy,  I can only conclude that I was not made for here  If the flesh that I fight is at best only light and momentary,  then of course I'll feel nude when to where I'm destined I'm compared  Speak to me in the light of the dawn  Mercy comes with the morning  I will sigh and with all creation groan  As I wait for hope to come for me  Am I lost or just less found?  On the straight or on the...

I've been staring at the sky tonight Marvelling and passing time Wondering what to do with daylight Until I can make you mine You are the one I want, you are the one I want I've been thinking of changing my mind It never stays the same for long But of all the things I know for sure You're the only certain one You are the one I want, you are the one I want I've been counting up all my wrongs One sorry for each star See I'd apologise my way to you  If the heavens stretched that far You are the one I want, you are the one I want I won't find what I am looking for If I only "see" by keeping score 'Cos I know now you are so much more than arithmetic 'Cos if I add, if I subtract If I give it all, try to take some back I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact That you are the sum So you are the one I want When the years are showing on my face And my strongest days are gone When my heart and flesh depart this place From a life that sung ...

So it is the 1st September 2009, day 29 since I arrived in NZ. I have moved into a home with Mel and Bev, daughter and mother, co-landlords and girls that are becoming great friends. They have welcomed me, oozed generosity and just generally been amazing. I was put in touch with them through a girl called Clare, who worked here at the hospital 2 years ago and lived with them. The radical part is (yes, radical is a word I realised today I have started using - Mel uses it in a shortened version 'rad') that Clare and her husband have just moved to KwaZulu Natal, South Africa to work there. When she emailed me and Mel each other's details all the way from SA, Mel was in Thailand with work and I was in Christchurch. The previous week Mel had put an advert in a local cafe for the room. Initially she had specified she was looking for a 'Christian' housemate and then decided to cross it out despite her possible real hopes for a fellow crispy for her and Bev to live with. In...

Apparently Taylor a Captain or crew member of a ship travelling from Australia came in a little too North and landed at what is now known as  Taylors Mistake Beach.  He believed it to be Lyttleton harbour which is the main harbour of Christchurch where the first pioneers landed or so goes the story. It seems a rather vague one and no one knows quite whether Taylor was just a member of a crew or a captain but regardless of the extent of the truth of the story the name has stuck. I live about a twenty minute walk from this beach which has breath-taking view all around - took myself down there yesterday for the afternoon with wildly ambitious plans to read and pray but ended up doing some idle lying in the sun. The lack of cloud cover in NZ seems to mean that you really do need your sunglasses - have never quite experienced that feeling of your eyes being overwhelmed by the brightness before yesterday. Although I have no camera I just discovered an application called 'photo booth'...

I feel like I should be embarrassed about the fact that I watched 27 dresses  for the third time this evening and enjoyed it more than my first time but I am of course completely not! I particularly like that through the film I encountered a song I actually love by Elton John and Bernie Taupin composed in 1976 - slightly before my time I guess hence the late listen. I think the main reason I like it is because it sets up a great scene between Katherine Heigl and James Marsden. Heigl is an absolutely amazing actress which helps me like this movie than I might otherwise - if you haven't seen her talent rent Grey's Anatomy out. How music can bring people together - gotta'  love a good song.

 Just wanted to say thank you to those of you who have been reading and praying for me, it warms my heart to think of loved ones back home when in such a new land and I wanted to share a few of the dozen or so answered prayers. First of all have moved to a new home with a view that of the ocean which on my first morning brought me to look upon Psalm 65 and the verses below: You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Saviour, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas... When I went to Nepal 4 years ago my housemate for those 2 months left that verse in my room and today I am comforted by its truth again today. Feeling incredibly spoilt and overwhelmed by the fact that not only am I living in this rather unbelievable location but also managed to pick up a car for 800 pounds which actually seems like an amazing car - considering it is 18 years old - talk about the impossible becoming possible. Also starting to meet people in church one of which is go...

Am sitting in an internet cafe in Christchurch city centre which is a place I have come to frequent since I landed here just 9 days ago at noon. That was a day filled with excitment, apprehension a bit more adrenaline and clear blue skies - I was thinking today about how filled with energy I was not so very long ago. More recently I have felt like decisions (although totally believing they were right, God-led and just the next part of my journey) made may have been done in a naivety and although prayer-filled I may not have considered the full blown somewhat harsh realities I would face when moving somewhere so new and different. In short this has been a hard week and I am sad that I have had a lot of self-doubt and still do so early on but knowing that I have a bunch of people praying for me and a God who is God of the impossible helps me look ahead with hope and a confidence not from within me. The experience so far has definitely opened my eyes to how easily I have forgotten the for...

Just found this amazing website whilst procrastinating all the awful bloomin' packing up of stuff I seem to be doing every bloomin' 12 months for the last 7. It cheered me up no end. Bring on the NZ VW campervan adventure previously only in my dreams but maybe one day it will be made reality. Bring it on! Whoop whoooooop

GOOD BYE... HELLO.......... LAND OF THE MAORI.

Tonight I went to the second night of three nights of a healing conference at my current church in Sheffield. I am cutting to the chase to let whoever reads this know that tonight my previously curved spine (scoliosis) which has not only given me a leg length discrepancy to adapt to (until tonight my left leg has always been longer than my right) but also intermittent lumbar and thoracic back pain since the age of 21 has been healed. I sit here today at my desk with both feet firmly on the ground, equal in length, my pelvis totally head on and perpendicular to my lumbar spine and my entire spine completely straightened by the power of the Holy Spirit. I didn't even plan on asking God to heal this and went to church tonight with no or low expectations. Tonight God chose to heal me because He loves me and to heal me of something I never even really bothered about but accepted as part of my body! How amazing is my father that He chooses to heal even the things we do not see as a burde...

So as I am leaving my lovely house share in Sheffield next weekend my housemates are in the process of trying to find my replacement. Although there are currently just 3 of them, it seems agreeing on a housemate of choice is proving rather difficult. For example, tonight was a classic example. Like many nights in recent weeks someone came to meet us all, he'd already looked round on Monday and met housemate A and myself. I loved him. He has a phd and is working at Sheffield Uni, doing some absolutely fascinating research that is related to healthcare which is obviously going to float my boat. Difficult to please housemate A thought he was adorable on Monday and still does today - result! Normally easy to please housemate B on today's impression alone thought he was difficult to have conversation with and didn't offer a lot up of himself to chat about.... or something along those lines. Housemate C is normally indifferent and predictably was tonight. Thankfully housemate A...

Feisty - 3 dictionary results –adjective, feist⋅i⋅er, feist⋅i⋅est. 1. full of animation, energy, or courage; spirited; spunky; plucky: The champion is faced with a feisty challenger. 2. ill-tempered; pugnacious. 3. troublesome; difficult: feisty legal problems. Origin: 1895–1900, Americanism; feist + -y 1 Related forms: feist⋅i⋅ly, adverb feist⋅i⋅ness, noun Feisty - 3 thesaurus results Main Entry: feisty Part of Speech: adjective Definition: spirited; touchy Synonyms: active , alive , bubbly , courageous , difficult , enthusiastic , excitable, fiery , frisky , full of pep, game , gritty, gutsy, gutty, high-strung, hot-blooded, lively , mettlesome, ornery , peppy , quarrelsome, scrappy, sensitive , spunky , thin-skinned, tough , truculent , zestful Courtesy of http://www.dictionary.com/ Having spent a little time remindng myself of this adjective's meaning I have thus decided she was paying me a compliment.