ange's musings

thats what i have been up today and it has been so goooood, such a good day. the kind that makes me so thankful to be alive TODAY! quite ironic really cuz if i just looked at the potential its fairly bad weather outside especially for june 30th (my american friend casey is probably crying over it as i write!) and really i haven't any huge exciting plans today, but its just one of those days, when life makes me smile! lots! basically ended up making a wee pink and white bracelet for 4 year old laura who i live with who is at her birthday party right now - bella of the ball, she looked so cute in her pink fairy dress as she left today. knitting can only be explained in the fact that i have been knitting a baby blanket for my new niece isabelle rose gooding for too long, and to be honest she'll probably have learnt to knit herself by the time i finish it!!!! but the fact i managed to do some is a miracle in itself cuz i can only do it when chatting with friends or watching a movie...

watch and remember

Prayers like gravel Flung at the sky's window, hoping to attract the loved one's attention . . . R.S Thomas still slowly reading and thinking about prayer a lot at the moment. i loved this quote from yancey's book, placed at the beginning of the chapter entitled 'why pray?' ultimately the chapter pretty much rounds up that we pray becauses jesus prayed. the time when he wept tears of blood was not on the way to golgatha or during his agonizing death but in the garden of gethsemane as he prayed - that was where the action was for jesus, so i think thats where i want to be most passionate too. jesus also prayed very little for himself but rather more for others - a challenge for sure! as yancey states although jesus prayed lots, his prayers as god in human form didn't remove the 'unknown and unpredictable elements' in his life. the disciples regularly surprised and dissappointed him - think about judas and peter. yet somehow those unpredictable elements a...

been reading this really great book called 'the bumps are what you climb on' - its just got lots of little chapters of encouragement. today's was the last one and quite rightly was challenging us about our contentment and where we get it from. do i get it from my circumstances or am i more like paul? "there is not growth without challenge, and there is no challenge without change. if our lives are going to be isolated and insulated we will never face any challenges, but this means we will never have opportunities to mature. for mature people, life is a battleground, but they are willing to face the battles and, by faith, win the victories. for immature people, life is a playground; and they want to avoid battles but this means they hever have the joy of winning victories and growing in the lord" challenging stuff hey? recently i have been thinking a lot about my contentment and i know this year more than any other year of my short life so far i have had to face th...

this evening i just had some really sad news from a friend who's had such a hard year that i haven't often known how she's coped. its news that seems unbelievably sad and unbelievably hard, trying to pray for her seems even harder, knowing what to say, knowing that really i can't say anything, i'm lost, confused and know that my only hope for her is found in Him. this song by rita springer, brings me to my knees, as i think about her. i have to believe that He sees my darkness. i have to believe that He knows my pain. I have to lift up my hands to worship. Worship His name. i have to declare that He is my refuge. i have to deny that i am alone. i have to lift up my eyes to the mountains. it's where my help comes from. He said that He's forever faithful. He said that He's forever true. He said that He can move mountains. And if He can move mountains. He can move my mountain. He can move your mountain too. i have to stand tall when the wind blows me over. ...

so i've just started reading a book by Phillip Yancey on prayer, his exploration as a pilgrim thinking about that great and mysterious thing we do all the time - prayer. just wanted to share some comments and quotes from the first couple of chapters which describe a little of why we all yearn to pray, to be in connection with the uncreated one, so here they are. "The reason why we pray is simply that we cannot help praying" William James "After twenty years of listening to the yearnings of people's hearts, I am convinced that human beings have an inborn desire for God. Whether we are conciously religious or not, this desire is our deepest longing and most precious treasure". Psychiatrist Gerald C May Confession: "God, if these people knew about me, what you know about me, they wouldn't listen to a word I said" Hadden Robinson "I cannot receive healing unless I accept God's diagnosis of my wounded state" Phillip Yancey "On...

Until today there has been a definite lack of posts because facebook really is taking over my life - its worrying! What I first joined I was verbally damning and thought it was just another annoying thing to deter normal lovely communication but its turning out to be rather dominating and I need to set that right. Will endeavour to in the next few weeks.

Just made a great discovery - I have to believe an album by Rita Springer, an amazing solo singer who worships like she knows Jesus so intimately and so passionately. Her voice is beautiful and I am excited cuz I'm leading worship tomorrow morning and we're gonna listen to her for 20 mins. Her lyrics are so heartfelt its great. At church Andrew's been speaking on the presence of God and focussing on how God's power is in his presence............isn't that amazing? Beautiful! Astounding, absolute wonderful. He loves us, though he doesn't have to, he saves me from myself, he blesses me with his presence and gives us his power. What a God I know!

Wooo hoooo! Very excited at the moment as I've just yesterday in fact booked a flight to Chile, el loco geographica as people call it, meaning a crazy geography mainly due to its unique shape and diverse geography. Anyways I am leaving on August 24th for just over 5 weeks of fun and frolics, practicing medicine whilst exploring the fabulous country and enjoying its varied delights at the weekends. The even more exciting thing about the whole trip is that I will be staying with a vineyard family from the vineyard in santiago - i think I am almost more excited about this part of the trip. Having got to know Bristol Vineyard and now the vineyard in Ukraine, learning more of the South American Vineyard in Chile will be an amazing experience - i cannot wait. In an hour to prepare I am off to a local Chilean-run cafe la ruca on the gloucester road, a favourite haunt of mine, where tonight I will endeavour to improve my espanol over coffee and conversation with strangers who may well b...

so just got home from casey q's who has done a stunning job making me over with her massive store of make up. it was quite a treat to get her expertise on my make up and i was well impressed with what she managed to do with my eyes - wow didn't know how dramatically differing i could look with a bit of eyeshadow here and highlighter there! i remember wearing make up far more frequently before i started coming to university when i decided that i just couldn't be bothered and she reminded me that i can actually look pretty good, if i take some time over all that stuff. its amazing how quickly my standards drop, now putting on a bit of a mascara is effort! Hmmm...think i am gonna take casey's tips and try and do more with my face or the "human palette", as casey likes to call it! had such a great bank holiday saturday was lush mate, lush. spent what felt like hours, strumming my sisters gorge guitar, that wood is just such a great shell for the vibrations, sounds...

this is something i am honestly trying to stop doing. being a feeler most of the time means this is a weakness for me and i am learning that i need to take action against it otherwise when i least expect it i can start spiralling with thoughts based on not so great feelings and latching onto the truth beyond becomes impossible. a great book i am re-reading The Cross-centered life, by c.j.mahaney is reminding me of how easily we base our view of God on how we feel rather than on what is real - this is a trap i no longer want to fall into and am glad to be learning that its a common problem amongst crispies (along with legalism and condemning ourselves according to mahaney) but the truth of the word cuts through it. praise him! just had a lovely time lieing in st. andrew's pak near my house, as its such a light and mild evening, didn't want to miss the opportunity to enjoy dusk in my little corner of the world. it was nice to see others were too, but i didn't stay too long wi...

So I'm now into my second week back from bristol after 3 weeks in Ukraine. Pics all on bubbleshare thanks to lovely Mark. Seem to rather more settled back into bristle than I was this time last week, which is a nice feeling and just trying to process what I am doing with myself for the next couple of months as via draws to an end. Chatting to a guy who is thinking about doing all that I have been doing this last year in 2008, really brought home how soon it will be before I'll be back in the scene of studentdom at Bristol medical school struggling to be confident on my own ground whilst being exposed to demanding deans and doctors. Its not all bad I know, but my mind is only cycling all the bad loops i'm afraid. Returning to Christchurch Clifton for yesterday's evening service reminded me of the eternal home I have and how through shifting times, changing seasons and the general temporary nature of all the parts of my life (at least that is how it often feels) God is ...

Whoop whoop! (As a dear friend has started to write to me in some of her internet correspondance). That is the only reaction that is due, as I have just re-logged into my google mail account after a good fortnight of not being able to retrieve mail cuz for some reason, literally overnight I was not able to access my account any longer. But anyways, now I am and am feeling the urge to blog again after a period of lying low, can't promise anything, but am gonna give it a try. Photos hopefully along soon...

apologies for the recent absolute junk that has filled posts! have been feeling rather unable to express myself on here, even though it was initially so helpful for me to do so. i guess the initial phase of feeling rather open with my thoughts changed, into one in which i have felt really afraid and inhibited, and not in a place where i am happy about putting thoughts, that i haven't quite made sense of, in the big massive web - think there's probably enough people in it and stuck within to fill the void - at the mo and probably for a good few weeks i have little to contribute me thinks! doubt my dribble will be missed - so if i am back before spring has sprung be surprised! I certainly will. enjoy the crazy art.

Developing hope for the future and thanks for the past have an impact on attitudes relating to happiness. But the experience of happiness is in the present; in the now. If our attention is captured by thoughts about the past or future we are less able to experience happiness right here and now in the present moment which is the only moment when we can fully experience deep joy and peace. These deep attributes of happiness are also from within. They are not caused by external circumstances, of having more of this or less of that. Perhaps to be happier we need to be more in touch with what we already have and re-examine our priorities. The world presents one message to us – of happiness being the result of something we can acquire in the future. Think about the opposite of happiness dwelling within you now and working to remove the barriers to it. 1) Meet others as if for the first time. This might sound odd but it will bring you into the present. When we meet people for the first time w...

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So this is the title of Via, Project 3. What does it mean to be a disciple? I think you will agree, gaining an understanding of what that really means, will take all of our earthly lifetimes. When I think disciple, I immediately think in biblical, new testament context and of course of Jesus's disciples. But actually, as a friend pointed out to me, each and every one of us is a disciple meaning a learner, of something. Living out our lives, based on or inspired by something or someone, whether it be a faith in many gods, such as hinduism or no gods or God, i.e atheism, whether it be a celebrity or political view, we all lead our lives in reverence/respect to something. In a book I am currently reading, one of the characters who is asking this very same question, I think manages to answer it herself when she asks: "So they're going to be called together to learn the violin, and then they'll be sent out to play the master's kind of music in the master's way?...

I've started reading one of Brian Mclaren's books which I am really enjoying. Having just finished the chapter entitled 'the story of emergence' where Neo communicates his ideas that God created us as beings (I quote Neo saying "To me, the story is about Being (God, Creator) giving beings the good gift of being") that are totally in need of relationship. Its like in creating the first people, God didn't want to be the only reality in our lives, the only relationship in our network. This is what Neo says in the book... "This is the story we find ourselves in, isn't it? Caught between two dangers: a hyperspiritual danger that says, 'It is good enough for human beings to be alone, so all they need is God', and a hypersecular danger that says, 'It is good enough for human beings to be with the other created beings; forget about the Supreme being from whom all being and blessing flow.' Neither of these options is good enough. The on...

Apparently so. So the phrase 'the good being an enemy of the best' keeps popping up in conversation, books, devotionals and frankly I don't think I quite know what this actually means in practical reality. Its all very well telling that to someone, but how do you recognise when the 'good' thing is not the 'best' thing? Especially when you may never have tasted the best, how do you know that there's more than the good you are experiencing. I suppose in all of us, there would be that sense, that gut-level sensation telling us, there must be something more, but apart from that, I find the phrase rather unhelpful. So any insight, is welcomed right here! Something I am beginning to realise, in a rather painful way, is the fact that our security and identity, well actually my security and identity seems to very much be locked up in all kinds of things other than Jesus. I'm realising that I have probably over the years, sought my identity in achievement (no...